It is all about realizing a DREAM

I look up the dictionary and found the meaning of dream (other than the one which occurs during sleep) which means a long-held ambition or wish. I don't think I have been holding my dream that long yet but it is a budding dream. It is still small and unnoticed but it is growing.

okay, just for a precaution afterward might sound a bit mushy but please bear with it.

Well, my point here is that rather than having no dream at all I am very grateful to have my dream.

it might seem an impossible dream right now
it is still a hazy and blurry dream
sometime I don't know if this dream is good or not
i don't even know what I suppose to do next

But

I know that one day my dream will come true
it doesn't matter how many times it takes to make it come true
and I don't care what kind of remarks people say to me

because I know my dream however trivial or small will come true

the end of mushy talk

A wakeup call

Have you ever experienced your wake up call? No, I don't mean your alarm clock.

It is the call that tell you to stop lazing about and doing nothing. That tell you that you have a life to live and you had to shake yourself awake from any fantasies you have been living in.

I experienced my wake up call a couple of years ago. Well, maybe it is not a wake up call but a rude and hard shake to awake me from my laziness. It was like fate had slap me hard on the face and said "Wake up you lazy brat! You had a life you had to manage. Stop being such a wimp" (Well I guess that is what my wake up call said....hihihi)

but it had really awaken me and open my eyes. I turn out to be a better person...(I hope). Well, I might get lost again in the future and end up lulling my self into some kind of fantasies so I might need another wake up call again. This time fate had to slap me harder to wake me up.

To start Dreaming Again

At first I didn't have any particular dream. When I heard people talking about their dreams, ambitions and hopes I felt a heavy lump inside. I envy them.

It seems like they have a purpose in life however trivial or small it is.

It seems like they have something to look forward to tomorrow and not just wait for it to come.

It seems like these dreams and hopes give them courage to move forward.

I envy them for having something I didn't have. Maybe because I don't have any dream I just follow and accept what people told me to do.

When I am still a child I wanted to be a doctor because...well I thought everyone wanted to be one. Ironically, when I grew up I found out that I could not stand the sight of blood...hahaha...I got dizzy.
Then, my parents told me to be a teacher and my friends said I will make a good teacher.. because I am tall so, it is easy for me to wipe the board. When I went to work as a part time tuition teacher I know I cannot be one. I felt helpless and confused in front of my students and didn't feel any passion to educate them. There are still much more I had to learn before I can teach others.
All this while I live following the path my family and society carved for me.This path is a straight path with less bumps and no intersection. It is a safe path. I seemed to know what will I do and where I will end up next. I felt more like a puppet than me. Showing what others want to see than what I want others to see.

Then, fate intervened. Throwing me from this secured, ordered path to another path. I came to Penang studying the subject I am the strongest at, English...but then people still make speculation when I said I'm studying English. 'Oh, you are going to be a teacher...hemm..good, good' that is the same answer I always get.

but the truth is I want to be something else. There must be something I can do besides teaching. Yes, teaching is a good profession...a safe one I would say but maybe it is too safe for me. I long for an adventure..however lame that sound.

in this new path I can start dreaming my own dream. So, I start dreaming again. I want to be a journalist who will travel to many places reporting events and writing about the world. This particular path is not straight and have many huge bends on the way. Sometime it is dark and I lost my way. Sometime I stumble upon an unexpected rocks and fall down flat on my face.

but I believe with a dream I can tread on any path. The twisted road will not be a boring road. Even when it is dark and I get lost I just try to find the right path again. When I fall down I can always get up again.

So, at last I found a dream for me to hold on to. Have you found yours?