''securing'' the bad sides

I learn the term ''secure'' from my navy training which means ''make something disappear from view''. You can ''secure'' almost anything; garbage, books, unwanted things, cat (?), dust, precious things and even people. Sometime this ''securing'' last only a short time. Most of the time you ''secure'' things you don't want others to see such as; your mom, grandma, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, lecturer or even your superior ...shhhh...don't tell them I'm telling this to you. This is a sacred secret between you and me<(^o^)>

But there is another thing you could ''secure''. It's your bad side. I was painfully taught that I should be tidy,clean and neat 24/7. There should be no speck of dust on my table..buhuhu..(the dust hates me)....the bed should look like nobody had slept in it (where am I gonna sleep?)...and etc. etc. etc.

I tried my best to maintain my room to look neat and clean 24/7 but frankly speaking I am the lazy and messy person. But I still had to maintain my room! So, what am I going to do??

I used the things they taught me. I secured my bad sides and show only my good sides. It doesn't mean that I am a two face or two personality person who look kind and innocent in front but a devil at the back. It is just that when you enter my room, at one glance it will appear clean and tidy with no dust or garbage. But if you start poking around you will notice the messiness ''secured'' everywhere. My drawer is all cluttered with all kind of things; books,pencil, paper, Maggie(?), coins and etc.etc.etc. Not to mention the closet is a disaster. I will not try to describe its condition for your own comfort.

My point here is that, I was born like this. A little bit messy and lazy. It is who I am. I tried my best to fulfill the standard given by the society, my mother, grandma, or my superior but the person they wanted me to be is not me. I need a little messiness in my life but I have to do it while keeping up with others expectation.